Ever since Athena got diagnosed with ASD in March, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to have social relationships, to connect with others, and how some people seem to do it so easily while others struggle. While coming to terms with Athena's diagnosis, I've had some pretty rough patches emotionally, when I have really wanted to reach out to someone that would understand. I have really noticed the absence of a relationship with an older family member (typically a role filled by a mother or mother figure, or even a father) in my life during this time. And I have put some thought into my social relationships and social relationships as a whole.
Of course, none of this is helped by the fact that I have also been reading Social Intelligence lately.
I find it interesting that when I log into Facebook, there exists a list of "friends" that I can supposedly connect with. When I go to search for friends, Facebook kindly returns a list of people that I may know, based on people already listed as my "friends". I use the word in this context rather loosely. In my darkest times, I would not post my problems on Facebook. When I have, in a desperate need to reach out, posted something indicating I'm in trouble, there has been nothing but the sound of crickets in response. I find this ... empty, and find that it makes me feel even more alone.
Perhaps I have a ... more stringent definition of "friend" than most. I honestly do not consider someone I have not seen in 20 years (high school friends that I have not kept in touch with) a friend just because we both happen to have a Facebook account and have linked our accounts. Friends are people who are there for you in your dark times. Friends are the people on whose shoulders you can cry on. Friends are the ones who, when your world is falling apart, will sit there and listen without telling you how to put it back together or giving otherwise unwanted advice. I think I have one such person in my life other than my husband.
Then again, from all the reading I've been doing about psychology and social and emotional intelligence, I know I have an attachment disorder. I can thank my parents for that one. One was a paedophile (technically is, I suppose, as he is still alive), and I strongly suspect the other suffered from depression.
But it does beg the question - does social networking actually do anything to enrich our lives? Human beings are social animals. We require social interaction. Interacting via the Internet feels safe for those of us with attachment disorders - with disorganised or detached styles - but does it really give us what we need? We can't see or touch the other person. We can't see all those microexpressions that tell us whether or not the other person is really empathising with us, or if they're just full of bullshit. We miss out on the comfort of hearing another human voice. The sound of keys tapping while we send our woes into cyberspace really is a rather empty sound. Is there really any connectivity at all? What I find is that it encourages me to interact in a very limited way as I still feel safe, but I still end up feeling as if I am on the outside looking in. Granted, I've been here most of my life. But when your world feels like it's falling apart and you're trying desperately to hang on, humans need something more.
